Who I Am
by melantho22
Summary: Hannah never knew who she was, but Emily certainly did.


"I never knew who the hell I was."

Emliy's hand grips the steering wheel a little tighter and she can't help but glance at Hannah in the seat next to her. She should really keep her eyes on the road, god knows she doesn't want to do A any favors and off them right there, but Hannah just looks so broken.

"I do." Emily says after a moment of silence

"What?" Hannah's voice sounds small

Emily takes a deep breath in and thinks that maybe she just should of kept quiet but Hannahs staring at her now.

"You're Hannah Marin."

Hannah stares at her dumbfounded.

"God thanks Emily. Really helpful."

Emily's eyes flicker back over to Hannah.

"I didn't finish."

Hannah glares at her.

"Well go ahead."

Emily swears her fingers have lost color from gripping the wheel so hard.

"You're Hannah Marin. The Hannah Marin. Hannah Marin whose breathtakingly beautiful, charismatic, with an ability to make anyone smile. Hannah Marin whose intelligent in her own crazy way. Who never didn't know the meaning of loyalty, standing by my side when I was afraid the whole world would hate me. Hannah Marin, the girl whose strength seems indestructible. And even though I know it's not, she's the one who taught me it's okay to be broken. And who helped me realize that it's okay not to know exactly who you are or what you want." Emily exhales and glances at Hannah nervously.

She's staring out the window and Emily swears that she looks almost more upset than she did before.

"Hannah?"

No answer.

"It's okay if you don't know who you are, but I wish you could see everything I know you to be."

Hannah turns her head towards her and it stabs Emily to see that she's crying.

"No!" and Emilys taken aback by how loud she shouts it, "You don't know who I am! That's not Hannah Marin! That's who I am now. A twisted broken up version of Alison Dilaurentis. Breathtakingly beautiful? Are you kidding me Emily? God I was hefty Hannah for years until Ali left. It was pathetic to think I'd be anything but that."

"Hannah…" Emily started

"Don't! You don't actually believe that stuff about me. I'm just a worse version of Ali."

"Please Hannah…"

"You know what Emily? Save it for Alison. She's the one you really worship."

The look on Emily's face is one of complete devastation, but the look on Hannah's just might be worse.

Her hand is raised to her mouth, her eyes horrified. Emily can tell she's crying harder now but she doesn't care. In fact, she's sure that if she says anything she'll cry too.

"Oh my god Emily…"

"Don't."

"Please, Em. I'm sorry."

Emily doesn't even look at her.

"Emily I didn't mean that. I swear."

Emily stares straight ahead and says through clenched teeth,

"It doesn't matter whether or not you meant it. We both know its true."

Hannah stares down at her lap.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Like I said it's true."

"No, "I'm sorry for not…" she stammers off "for never asking if you were okay with this whole Ali being back thing."

Emily rolls her eyes,

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does. Of all of us you two were closest."

Emily laughs harshly and it takes Hannah aback

"Closest? If being manipulated and degraded counts as being best friends forever then yeah I guess we were."

"Emily I didn't mean that."

And Emily finally looks at her.

"What then? What did you mean? This whole time you've been so caught up in your own world, so worried about turning back into hefty Hannah. But at least she had an identity. You don't have to be worried about being someone who was the sweetest girl I've ever met, who laughed at every stupid joke I ever made, who I knew would always have my back, who was shy but still smart, and who held such a strength that I'm pretty sure even Ali admired it. And who was just as beautiful as you are now."

"Em.."

"Ali stole my identity too Hannah! At least you never had to deal with being her own personal plaything! And even when she was gone…you asked me what it was like to come out, but did I really? Because of Ali I was pretty much pushed out, and I fell right on my face. So that's what that was like. And now that she's back…" emily trailed off down to a whisper, "what am I but a toy to be broken?"

Hannah took a shaky breath in,

"Emily, you're the strongest person I know. Maybe A pushed you out, and so what if you landed on your face? Anyone would. The important thing was you picked yourself back up with such strength. And of I know anything about who you are, I know that you're too strong to be broken."

Emily doesn't respond and Hannah doesn't really know what else to say. God she's been awful to Emily, and she's not just talking about the comments she made moments ago. Emily was her best friend and she let Alison play her till she was nearly broken.

"We all should have just said something," Emily sighs "Instead of letting her treat us like crap for four years."

"If I had known how you felt…" Hannah starts and Emily looks at her, "I swear I would have said something."

Emily exhales.

"I should be the one apologizing. I should have just stood up to her. I let her belittle you for years."

"Did you really think I was beautiful back then?" Hannah's voice is now a whisper

Emily smiles softly at her.

"Yeah. I did."

There's silence between them now and it's only broken for a brief moment when Emily decides to speak again.

"Hannah?"

"Yes?"

"I still do. Whoever you are or whoever you want to be, Hannah Marin will always be beautiful."


End file.
